Shadow in the Night
by MorganHlaalu
Summary: Rated for attempted rape. LilyRay When Lily invites the wrong guy to a dance, she cuts herself off from the world - Travis, RFR, school, everything. Can Ray bring her back?
1. Prologue: Unreal

Summary: When Lily asks the wrong guy to the dance, she cuts herself off from the world - Travis, RFR, school, everything. Can Ray bring her back?  
  
A/N: Okay, several things you need to understand before you go on. As I see it, Lily and Travis are best friends. The he has a name in my mind, but we don't find it out yet. It's currently not someone from canon, but that may change. ~these~ mean flashbacks. Okay.yeah. Just read.  
  
Lily couldn't see. Everything was blurry. Her eyes stung, and she knew her nose must be red and her makeup must be streaked across her face. She held her shirt closed and wished it still had the buttons. God, she was so stupid.  
~"Will you, um, that is, well.will you go to the dance with me?"~  
Of course, he had accepted - Lily was, after all, a beautiful girl, even if a few failed relationships had dealt her self-esteem a blow. He was a grade above Lily, but that was okay, he was sweet, and sensitive, and kinda cute. Lily turned onto her street, tripped over a rock she hadn't seen, and stumbled to the ground. She curled into a fetal position, lacking the strength to get up, and cried.  
~"Stop! No, let go of me!"  
He didn't listen, and pinned her a little more firmly against the wall, ripping her shirt open. She tried to grab her cell phone out of her pocket without him seeing, but she fumbled and it shattered on the ground. ~  
Hands were on her, hands she didn't want to trust - he's back, he's going to rape me, help me - but she wasn't strong enough to fight. The lightest of touches reminded her of his hands, rough and groping and painful.  
"Shhh, Lily it's okay, you're safe. You're safe now Lily, no one's hurting you. I won't let anyone hurt you."  
Lily recognized the voice and associated it with a face and emotions, but no name. She couldn't think who this was, but she could think that they were trusted, and she let the hands guide her up off the ground and down the street.  
~Lily brought a knee up into his groin, and he doubled over with an abbreviated groan. She zipped up her jeans, grabbed as much of her phone as she could find, and pelted away as fast as she could. She jammed the phone bits into her pocket for temporary safekeeping and pulled her shirt closed, the tears already stinging her eyes. ~  
"Lily, we were starting to worry - Lily? Oh my god, Lily! Ray, what happened?"  
"I don't know, Mrs. Randall," said Ray, handing Lily over to the concerned woman in the doorway. "I just found her curled up on the sidewalk, crying."  
Lily made a gesture towards Ray, as though making a weak grab for something she barely knew was there. "It looks like she wants you, Ray. Do you want to come in for a few minutes?"  
"No, that's okay, Mrs. Randall, I better be getting home. My dad's probably worried."  
"Okay, well, thank you so much for getting her home. Good night, Ray."  
"Good night, Mrs. Randall."  
Ray walked home with a heavy heart. 


	2. Erosion of Me

A/N: Hey all and welcome to chapter two of Shadow In The Night. thanks everyone who reviewed. i'm considering introducing a self-injury plotline, but i can't really decide. tell me what you guys think. um...yeah. i never know how to end author notes.  
  
At school on Monday, Lily was standing at her locker. She was almost surely going to be late for homeroom, she hadn't done any homework, and now she couldn't find her book for English. She felt a hand on her shoulder and jumped. Ray took his hand away slowly, palm out, fingers spread, in a gesture of surrender.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
"Yeah, Ray, I'm fine, just couldn't sleep last night."  
  
Apparently she didn't remember him walking her home. "What do you –" Ray stopped, sighed uncomfortably, and started over. "What do you remember about Friday night?"  
  
Lily stiffened. "I went to the dance, came home, took a shower, and went to bed," she said in a too-casual tone. "Why?"  
  
Ray sighed. So she wasn't going to tell him anything. "Nothing. It's nothing. Come on, we better get to class."   
  
"I'm Question Mark, and I'm wondering. What's with this whole violence against women thing? I mean, every other day it seems like you hear about another woman who was raped and murdered or another guy who killed his wife. Where does it end? What do you think, Shady?"  
  
"Huh?" Lily looked up, a confused and tired look on her face. "Oh, uh, I dunno."  
  
"You with us, Shady?"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, I'm just tired."  
  
"You know what I'm tired of? All this talking!" Ray said. "Smog, hit it!"  
  
The opening riffs of a song came on in the background while the DJs took off their headphones.  
  
"Are you okay, Lily?" asked Robbie.   
  
"Yeah, you seem a little down," commented Travis.  
  
"No, really, I'm okay, I just couldn't sleep last night."  
  
"Is it the topic? I mean, if it bothers you, we can change it."  
  
"No, really, I'm okay." Lily nodded and tried to smile. "It's fine."  
  
Robbie still looked concerned, and he changed the topic when they were back on the air. Ray knew why Lily was bothered, but he didn't say anything. Soon the broadcast was over and everyone was leaving. Travis reached out to touch Lily's arm, but she shied away, not thinking. Travis paused, not sure what to think, and Lily stood there, petrified, knowing that Travis would never hurt her but unable to stop her body from thinking he would. She floundered for something to say, but when she couldn't think of anything, she ran from the studio, shaking her head and sighing, unable to sort out her shattered life. She hoped none of the guys had followed her, hoped they wouldn't see her go into the cul-de-sac next to the building and cry. 


	3. Blood Runs Through

"Lily, phone!"  
  
"Okay!" Lily wiped her cheeks, rubbed at her nose, and picked up the phone. "Hello?"  
  
"Hey, Lil, what's going on?"  
  
"Hey, Travis. Not much."  
  
"You know, Buddha teaches that dishonesty to your friends is the path to dishonesty to yourself."  
  
"I know, Travis, I know. I just…" Lily sighed. "I just need some time to work things out for myself, okay?"  
  
"Okay, but you know if you ever need to talk about anything, I'm here to listen. Buddha teaches –"  
  
"I know what Buddha teaches, Travis. It's just…girl stuff."  
  
"We've established this. You don't know what girl stuff is."  
  
"Well, I know girl stuff when I see it, and this is girl stuff, okay?"  
  
"Okay, okay. Calm down. Y'know, Buddha teaches that calming and meditation is the key to enlig–"  
  
Lily hung up on her best friend. She had dialed six digits of Ray's number before she realized what she was doing. She hung up the phone immediately and put it down, flopping backwards onto the bed. She didn't know why she was acting like this. After all, many women before her had actually been raped and done better than she was doing. All he had managed to do was get her shirt open and her zipper down.   
  
But at the same time, it was worse because he *hadn't* gotten what he wanted, and so Lily never knew if he was going to try again, and this time he would be ready for her to fight. He was bigger than she was, and she'd only gotten away the first time because he'd been careless. She held the glass cat she'd picked up tightly, so tightly that it wasn't long before it broke. She was startled and dropped the pieces of glass onto the floor, telling herself that she'd pick them up later. She flopped backwards onto the bed with a sigh. She hated lying to her friends, saying nothing was wrong, but what else could she say? Oh, yeah, and by the way, I was almost raped at the dance. Yes, that'd go over well. She punched the bed beside her as she felt the tears stinging her eyes. She'd done more crying in the past 3 days than in the past year. Normally she didn't mind crying, but when she was doing so much in such a short amount of time… Usually not even PMS made her cry. She didn't know what to make of it. She didn't know how to deal with the stress. And speaking of stress, she hadn't seen him in school yet. While this wasn't necessarily a bad thing, it still made her nervous. She usually passed him in the hall at least 3 times a day. She liked this situation better when she knew where he was. She didn't want it to be like this. She didn't want to have to lie to everyone she loved. But she honestly didn't think she had a choice. There was honestly no one she could turn to. Maybe her sister…but no, even she would go and tell their parents, which was the last thing that Lily wanted.  
  
Lily sighed. She was cried out, and her eyes were itchy and swollen. She pulled herself up and squatted on the floor, picking up the glass cat shards. It was only in a few pieces; maybe she could glue it back together. Before she knew it, there was a line along her palm and blood was dripping from her hand. She swore and went to the bathroom to rinse it out. She only then realized that it didn't hurt. She stared at the cut, watching the blood drip, for several minutes. With the blood, she felt all the stress seeping away. She shook her head, as if shaking it off, and rinsed her hand. 


	4. 12 Days

A/N: on the self-injury plotline: meh. I'm just sortof fiddling with it. She probably won't do it again, but who knows. I wasn't happy with the last chapter overall anyway. Nothing really happened, which is not how I like it at all. I got like one major plot point where I would have liked 4 or 5. Meh. Besides, she didn't technically do anything, per se. She cut herself picking up broken glass. It's not like she grabbed a knife and started slashing her wrists…*finishes lamely* Whatever. Why am I justifying myself to you?! Are YOU writing the fic?! NO!!!  
  
Morgan and Mordred, the Fraternal Twin Muses: please excuse Gaia…she's got, shall we say, the little red flag waving. She's moody because her mother got the wrong pads.  
  
Thanks guys. And thanks everyone who reviewed. *bangs coconuts together* on with the fic!   
  
A week passed, and then a few days passed. Lily continued to remain distant from Travis, Ray, RFR, and school. Her grades began to slip. Ray, Lily, and Lily's mother and sister (her father and brothers had been gone that night) remained the only people who had any inkling what had happened to Lily. And Ray continued to hold his peace.  
  
Lily woke up one day and realized it had been 12 days since That Night. She did not know why this felt significant, only that it was, in some way, significant. She got up and dressed, and didn't let anyone touch her all through school, even her older sister, who had been the only one Lily trusted That Night to help her undress and get from her room to the shower, and the shower to her bed.  
  
After school that day, she went to RFR as usual, but did not say anything. There were two separate call-ins wondering if Shady Lane was even there that day. After RFR, Lily headed home instead of to Mickey's as was customary. It was a good three-mile walk, and she would have to go through a rather shady part of town, but Lily could use the walk. She was passing a group of older kids, perhaps in grade 11 or 12, who were smoking. For some reason, this fascinated her, enough that she was compelled to approach them.  
  
"Can I bum a smoke?"  
  
She received a white and tan cylinder in response. She took the proffered lighter and lit up. She was hard pressed not to cough as she took a puff. The older kids struck up a conversation, asking what grade she was in, how old she was, who she normally hung out with, normal teenage conversation fare, as well as what got her started on smoking, whether she did any other drugs, and what cigarettes she normally smoked. In other words, normal teenage conversation fare, just the type that even the dimmest were smart enough not to use around *you*, dear reader. She considered lying and saying 12, 17, other grade 12s, but instead told the truth, of 9, 14, and 3 other grade 9s named Ray, Robbie, and Travis. To their comments on how young she was, she responded "Everyone's gotta start somewhere."  
  
She hung out with the older group, whose names and ages she learned were Amy, 17, Lisa, 17, Morgan, 16, Brian, 19, and Mordred, 19, for a while longer. Lisa and Brian were going out, and Morgan and Mordred were brother and sister. Just before she left, Amy handed her a pack of cigarettes with 2 missing and a matchbook. "Everyone's gotta start somewhere."   
  
Lily hid the cigarettes and matches in her bag, said goodbye to everyone, and left.   
  
"Oh, hi Lily, how was school?"  
  
"Fine, mom. What's for dinner?"  
  
"Well, your father's going to be late again, so I was thinking we could just order a pizza." Lily's mom turned back to the phonebook, then sniffed, and turned back to Lily. "Do you smell smoke?"  
  
"Um, no. I'll be upstairs."  
  
Lilt smoked two more cigarettes that night. She climbed out her window onto the roof to do it. Her youngest brother was the only one who knew she even went out there anymore, and he was too young to understand things like underage smoking. She brought her notebook and writing pen with her and wrote three separate songs. They were all sad or mournful. She tried to write an angry song, but the effort was listless, and the song ended up another sad one. She flicked the ashes off the end of her current cigarette and a spark hit her ankle. (A/N: Sue me.) It stung for a brief second, then continued to smart. Lily stared at the mall red mark for a few seconds, reveling in the pain, how alive the pain felt, and sighed almost happily. She finished off the song she was working on and headed in. 


	5. Burn

A/N: okay, let's make a couple things clear. I never apologize for my words or actions, so this is not an apology, it is an explanation. Some people took offense at the last chapter's author notes, which is not what I intended at all. I was really just joking. And what Morgan and Mordred said was true. My mom got the wrong pads and I was pissed off. I've taken criticism before, I will take it currently, and I will take it again. Outright flames are given to Fawkes, my art and design muse, to play with. Plus, I believe that anyone who writes, draws, acts, sings, whatever, has a certain amount of artistic license, no matter what it is they write, draw, act, sing about.   
  
*gets off soapbox. * Anyway, welcome to chapter…*checks* 4? Yes, 4, of shadow in the night. Thank you everyone who reviewed, blahdy-blah. On with the fic!  
  
Two weeks passed. Lily slowly faded out of living. Oh, she didn't commit suicide, nothing like that, but she just started to…fade away. She was lethargic and distant; the only time she moved when she didn't have to was if someone got too near her. Not even her sister was allowed within two feet of her now. She was even starting to get reluctant to take showers because her hands on her own body reminded her of *his. * Her grades were slipping even more. Her life felt like the movies.   
  
She was sitting on the roof one evening, smoking a cigarette. She had continued to smoke, and her new friends bought her cigarettes for her. She blew the smoke from her lungs and contemplated the spark at the end of the cigarette. She then contemplated her arm. She turned it over and looked at the porcelain skin there, laced with blue veins.  
  
And ground the cigarette into her arm.  
  
It hurt – god, did it hurt – but it made her feel *alive. * After two weeks of watching her life like a movie, she was jolted back into it, *experiencing* something instead of just letting it happen. She saw stars and birds and when she closed her eyes the back of her eyelids were white, but it didn't matter, because it was a stark but needed reminder that she was not dead yet.   
  
She flicked the cigarette over the edge of the roof – tomorrow her mother would complain about the unknown hooligans smoking outside the house – and climbed back through her window. She found burn ointment and a bandage and cleaned the burn, covering it up when she was finished. She looked up into the mirror and blinked. She chanted to herself, ::I am Lily Randall, I am Lily Randall, I am Lily Randall::, but she still couldn't make herself recognize the gaunt face in the mirror. She caught herself wondering if this was what Shady Lane looked like. Long and thin, with dark circles and hollow cheekbones and haunted eyes. She looked away. She hadn't really seen herself in awhile; she avoided the mirror in the morning and it wasn't hard to do the same elsewhere. She looked down at herself and noticed she had lost weight. When was the last time she really ate much at a meal? Lily couldn't remember. She finished cleaning the wound and went downstairs. She pulled out a bag of chips and tried to make herself eat, but it was like chewing on paper. She put the bag away after only a few chips and got out a glass of soda, thinking that if she couldn't eat, she'd get calories through what she drank. But it, too, tasted like liquefied paper, had such a concept been possible, and the bubbles annoyed her, and she ended up putting it back for someone else to drink. She looked down to her wrist where the burn still stung slightly and realized that something needed to change soon. 


	6. Sorry

A/N: welcome to chapter five, lalala, you know the drill. There's only one more chapter after this. All the Buddha stuff Travis says is complete BS, at least as far as I know. But yeah. On with the fic.  
  
Knowing that something needed to change was all well and good; actually doing something about it was a completely different story. Luckily enough, though, Ray was tired of watching Lily waste away and he had decided to do something about it for her. At school the next day, Ray cornered Lily by her locker.  
  
"Lily, we need to talk."  
  
Lily ignored the thrill of fear that ran up her spine, both at his close proximity and the momentary flash that maybe he Knew. "What about?"  
  
"Lily, don't pretend. I know. Meet me at lunch in the studio."  
  
Lily blinked, trying her damnedest to not betray what she was thinking and to maintain a mildly puzzled expression. "Okay, Ray. Whatever."  
  
  
  
Lunch came, and Lily walked to the studio. Ray was already there. She walked in, and Ray locked the door behind her.  
  
"Ray, why'd you lock the door?" Lily asked, getting scared in spite of herself.  
  
"Look, Lily, I know what happened, and we're not leaving until you admit something's wrong."  
  
"What? What are you talking about? Nothing's wrong, Ray. Really."  
  
"Lily, you've lost weight, you don't talk to me or Travis or anyone anymore, your grades are going down the drain, you almost never say anything on RFR. Lily, stop hiding. I know what happened. I found you lying in the street and walked you home."  
  
"What? No one walked me home!"  
  
"Aha! So you admit you needed walking home!"  
  
"No, I… Gahhh!" Lily punched Ray in frustration.  
  
"Lily, usually I let you win the fights, but not this time. I am not backing down this time."  
  
"Ray, I'm fine, it's my problem, I can deal with it!"  
  
Ray grabbed Lily's arm where the burn was and pulled it up. "Then what's this?" he asked, indicating the Band-Aid. Lily wrenched her arm from his grip.  
  
"You're insane," she informed him.  
  
"No one's denying that, but I'm also right. Lily, you were attacked, and you need help. I don't know what happened or who it was, but I know that something happened, and it was someone, so please, Lily just tell me!"  
  
"No! Nothing happened!" Lily shouted. She suddenly rushed at Ray, fists flying, in the only way she knew to try to show him the pain she'd felt. It didn't really hurt, she was too physically weak and emotionally drained for that, so Ray just let her beat his chest with rapidly decreasing aggression, until she finally fell sobbing into his arms. Ray stroked her back and let her cry for a while, until he became aware that she had stopped crying so hard and was trying to speak.  
  
"I'm sorry…it's just…he's a shadow in the night…I can't seem to make him go away…I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I just didn't think I could deal with reliving it…he didn't even get my pants undone but I was still so messed up over it I didn't know what to do, I felt so stupid and weak…I'm sorry…"  
  
"No, no no no, don't be sorry. You were attacked. If you were mugged, would you feel stupid and weak and be sorry for it?"  
  
"I was afraid…I was afraid of getting hurt more."  
  
"It's okay, Lily. No one's going to hurt you any more."  
  
And he kissed her.  
  
At first Lily was afraid it would remind her of Him, like so many things did these days, but it didn't. Where that had been rough and taking and devoid of any emotion except desire for control, this was gentle and soft and warm and comfortable and perfect. They continued to kiss until Travis and Robbie were due to arrive. Then they pulled apart and Lily bit her lip, trying to find words to express what she was thinking.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"I'm gonna need time, Ray. I mean, I can't just jump into this. I…"  
  
"Shhh. It's okay. I know exactly what you're saying. We'll take it slow. I promise."  
  
Lily smiled and kissed him again. She didn't know how she could have dreamed a better guy into her life. At that point, they heard two pairs of hands slowly, sarcastically clapping.  
  
"It is about time," Robbie pronounced, smiling.  
  
"Buddha teaches that, while a good builder of character, self-denial is not the key to enlightenment," Travis said wisely, also smiling.  
  
Lily dropped her head onto Ray's chest and spoke to him. "Make them go away." Ray smiled and kissed her forehead.  
  
"I'll make it all go away. I promise." 


End file.
